You know you’re in your mid-twenties when…

  1. You’ll suddenly start noticing and, worse, caring about the sticky floors and lack of toilet roll in clubs. And that’s when you actually go clubbing, which is, like, never.
  1. You’re no longer the youngest person in your office. And it depresses you. But you can’t moan about it because you’re the second youngest person in your office.
  1. Dinner parties are a thing now. And you can’t just serve pasta and pesto with a lump of cheese and a grater. You have to actually find a (Deliciously Ella/Nigella/Jamie Oliver) recipe, spend a week’s wages on the ingredients, and then butcher them all in the kitchen because you haven’t figured out how to use the electric hob in your rented flat. Gah.
  1. You’ll read all about people who quit their jobs to go travelling and wish you could too, before realising that you’ve only been working for four years and that things are going to get a whole lot more desperate. And no-one actually quits their job to travel.
  1. Getting up an hour earlier to go to the gym before work is something you do now. Your 17-year-old self would be so proud.
  1. Instead of buying Sainsbury’s sausages and eating them with lumpy mash, you’ll go to the butcher and spend £5 on two handmade British pork, caramelised red onion and sage sausages because…. they’re all artisan and that, right?
  1. You can see lines on your face where there weren’t any before. You think. And you spend hours in the mirror scrutinising them, before realising that contorting your face to see lines in the mirror is going to make said lines even worse. Nooooo.
  1. You ‘borrow’ your mum’s serum because although the lines are definitely there, you can’t afford the £4759595 moisturiser you need to make them disappear. Yes, NEED.
  1. The language used by teenagers sounds alien to you. Fleek what?
  1. You’ll finally recognise the names of celebrities who’ve died. Only the young ones though. RIP Whitney.
  1. It seems like everyone you went to school with has got engaged and popped out two kids, and all you’ve done is, errrr, wellll, ummmm… not a lot. Maybe you should have a baby too.
  1. Whenever someone asks you how you are, you say: “busy” or “tired” or “stressed”, like being 25 and trying to hold down a job and pay rent and cook half-decent meals is the hardest thing in the world. Because it is. Obviously.
  1. You’ll be expected to understand how things like electricity meters and tax and ISAs work, when actually you have zero clues.
  1. Instead of ordering the second cheapest glass of white wine on the restaurant menu, you opt for a gin and tonic. Because now you’re rolling on to 30, you’ve got to start acting more like an adult.

 

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